It’s summer time, I’m home recouperating from a recent surgery in the hospital which is giving me a lot of time for reflection. The photos above have always been favorites of mine, I guess because it shows Mom as a young blonde haired girl with a world of possibilities ahead of her. To look at these images, there are no signs of OCD, no signs of depression and no signs that there was a troubled life waiting for her in adulthood. My guess is, that these photos were taken at Coney Island Beach.

Since I’ve been home during work hours, I’ve noticed that Mom has really been declining. She has good days and bad days and you never know what you will get. It could be good one minute and 5 minutes later it could turn. For instance, this morning, Cardine was trying to give her medication and she would push them out of her mouth with her tongue. What is that…it’s 2 year old behavior. When we kept telling her to take the medication she stands up and tells Cardine that she will smash her face. I’m having a really hard time understanding this behavior from an otherwise very sweet woman. Cardine handles it very well as she is trained to do so. I, on the other hand have a very hard time watching my mother behave like this.

In the past 2 weeks, she’s not been eating well. She plays with her food and then eventually just pushes it away. When you try to feed her, she won’t take it. I called the doctor to ask for advice on what to do. They took 3 days to call back and I still don’t have any good answer as to what to do. I actually hung up a little annoyed after to talking to the nurse practitioner, not the doctor. Meanwhile, we’ve been giving her Ensure when she will take it, offering her meals and happy with what she does eat. Let’s see where this goes.

So, I know that dementia is a one way road…there is no cure. I know we are closer to the void and I am not sure where we go from there. My demented mother is sinking deeper into her disease as every day passes and there is nothing that I can do to stop it. Even knowing all of that, my mind still can’t help thinking about what more I can be doing to make it better. I bless Cardine’s patience everyday of the week!

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