Art Therapy for Seniors With Dementia Can Be Beneficial

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With all the other struggles that my mother suffering with dementia had faced, I always found that when she was in her creative mode, she thrived. Her creativity seemed to blossom as she began her decent into dementia and there were times that it kept her busy for hours during the day. That’s not to say that she didn’t get creative before dementia, she did, but I think that her life of working, left her with no time for much else. Now, at this point in life, I believe that art therapy for seniors can be a wonderful thing.

When my mother lived in San Diego, over the years, she would send cards for special occasions that always had her special touch on them. Sending store bought cards as is, just signing her name at the bottom wasn’t ever good enough for her. She always had to make them just a little bit more personalized, more colorful and more special for the person receiving the card. She wasn’t able to buy expensive gifts, but her cards were an envelope full of love, thoughtfulness and happiness.

After she came to live with me, she of course didn’t send any more embellished cards, but while she was able, she would make little cards and notes with her colored markers and white paper, always trying her best to put thought into what she was saying, which you could see became a struggle for her after awhile. But it didn’t matter, she still shined through in spite of the struggle. One autumn day while I was at work, I came home to find brown paper bags cut into the shape of leaves and scotch taped to white paper. There were even 2 that were reversed, showing the brown paper through the diecut in the white paper. I thought that they were so creative considering the stage of dementia that she was stuck in, that I hung them on the wall in her room, just as you would your child’s artwork. I was glad that she was still able to engage herself into something artistic and follow through to complete the project. She was making a connection with the brown leaves falling from the trees outside her room and created something out of that thought. It was child-like, but just knowing that she was able to do that in her steady void, made me happy.

Photos: Cut out leaves from brown paper bags taped to plain white paper made by Eleanor Van Meter, Eleanor Sarter, in the throws of dementia. Good job!
Below: Mom looking very young and pretty with her whole life ahead of her. Who knew what the future was to hold for her?

leaves3 leaves2Some days while her Home Health Aide, Cardine was here, they would sit and color together in the afternoons, when the sun was coming in from the back of the house where her bedroom was. Cardine would encourage her to do puzzles, games and various other things but she really seemed to get a kick out of putting color on paper…or clothes…or sheets or her blankets, haha. After awhile she would just put her markers on anything, which isn’t really where I wanted her to go with this, but after all is said and done, if it made her happy, why not.

She liked to have notebooks and purple and pink pens where she would try and create characters for a children’s book that we had once planned to write together. Since she was the writer in the family, she was going to write the story and I was going to do the illustrations. Of course, we never got to that point, she’s was no longer capable of doing that, but I still have hopes in trying to write that little children’s book, with the help of her ideas that she had left me with. Why purple and pink, I’ll never know, but it occurred to me on how ironic that purple is the also Alzheimer’s color…very symbolic. Once a dementia patient gets fixated on something, far be it from me to try and change their mind….she wanted purple, I found all sorts of purple pens for her every time I went out.

mom_young5She was also once, a very good poetry writer and had folders of poems that she had written in the past. She would look over them for hours, organizing the pages and just staring at each page and I know in my heart, that she wanted to write more poetry, but her brain wouldn’t cooperate, which I found very sad. Even though she wasn’t able to write, she wasn’t done yet! She still had that need for creativity in all different forms, but she was no longer able to handle anything more than scribbled color on white paper. What can be sadder than losing brain function and knowing it’s happening to you? I know that she knew because we had talked about it at times. She knew it was happening…how awful to know the things that you want to do and say, but not being able to do it?

So, what I have learned from caring for my own mother with dementia, my advice for caregivers of Alzheimer’s and dementia sufferers would be, to get them involved with the creative world, in direct line with the capacity that they are able to handle without getting frustrated. There are so many different forms of creativity that can be introduced to them…there is something for everyone. It doesn’t have to be complicated, but just something simple where they can express themselves and will make them feel as if they accomplished something. There are special programs out there that focus on music and art therapy for seniors. Some actually come to the house for home bound patients and others can be found in adult day care facilities. You can research this for your own area, or you can set up your own ideas with your family member since you know them best. With stores like Michael’s and Joanne’s
Fabrics, there are all sorts of ideas for simple projects to try. It stimulates and challenges their brains, which is very healthy for people in brain failure. It can help to slow down the progress of the disease, plus make it a good day for your loved one. And we all want a good day!

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Should You Consider Adult Day Care For Your Aging Parent?

schoolAre you considering sending your parent to Adult Day Care? It’s a hard decision to make with so many considerations. You must go to work everyday without worrying about your loved one constantly…are they okay, are they roaming outside of the house, are they a danger to themselves and to the house?

If you are lucky enough to be a stay-at-home caretaker, then you are one of the lucky ones, although some might not think so. Going to work while care taking a parent with Alzheimer’s or dementia, can be a painful and overwhelming dilemma, leaving you mentally exhausted and leaving your boss at work, scratching his head. Frankly, you aren’t able to do either of those important jobs well because your main thought everyday while at work is about what is going on at home with your parent while you are not there.

If they are nearing the stage of being a roamer or wanderer, then you are really in trouble, since they can get seriously injured, lost or create a dangerous situation for others while out of the house. If this happens a lot and you don’t have understanding neighbors, they can report this activity to the Adult Protective Services, which is also not a good thing. At some point, we all come to the reality of the situation, which is that we can’t leave them alone in the house anymore because they are a danger to themselves. It’s easy to find yourself in denial about your parent’s progression in this disease. It’s not easy to admit that they won’t be the person that you remember and it’s very sad. But, when it becomes so obvious, or something bad happens to make you know exactly that you must take action…that’s when we start researching our options.

In my life, I found myself in this same situation. For the 5 years before, my mother with dementia was able to be home alone without an issue or concern while I went to work. Everything seemed perfectly normal…then, what seemed to be overnight, she started to mentally decline and was leaving the house in search of her mother, or to look for an apartment, or look for a job. The first time it happened, one of my wonderful neighbors brought her home. Then on another day, she left the house, in search of lord knows what, was on the main road when another kind neighbor saw her talking to a complete stranger who had pulled off the road to help her. Again, the neighbor brought her home and called me at work to alert me. The last time it happened, she walked about 2 miles from the house, when one of my neighbors spotted her while on her way home in the car. She of course pulled over and brought Mom home. When I got the call at work that last day, I had to literally break into a meeting to tell my boss, the CMO of Marketing, that I was leaving for the day. I just told him…see ya…gotta to go. It happened that fast.

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Photos: Eleanor Van Meter on her first day of Adult Day Care looking happy and ready
for her day…getting on the Van that came to pick her up.

From there, I had to research our options, which lead me to a social worker through the Visiting Nurse Service network. Through working with her, she was able to get me onto the fast track for financial aid to affording Adult Day Care. We got her into the local Center in my area, which I knew a neighbor had used for her mother a few years before. It came highly recommended and I felt secure in leaving my mother there while I was at work. Only one thing…Mom didn’t take to it. She consistently tried to leave the building, so an aide had to be assigned to her in order to keep her there. Of course Mom was very argumentative at that point of her disease, so it became a difficult situation. After a few weeks of Adult Day Care, I had to try and find another way to keep her safe while I was at work, as I was having to leave work everyday to pick her up early. She was a handful.

As it turned out, we were able to get her a home aide, Cardine, who became the angel in our lives until her death last September 28, 2014. She was with us for a year and a half giving my mother exceptional care 5 days a week. Every situation has a different solution. Some people take very well to Day Care and others like my mother didn’t. I definitely recommend giving it a try. They have all sorts of activities, arts and crafts, music, games, mealtime, plus they have a chance of developing friends and having somewhat of a social life. Social life in itself is an important consideration because it’s so important to keep their minds engaged with this disease. There are doctors and nurses on staff if they are needed, god forbid. I found the staff to be very compassionate and caring which was a comforting. Whatever works best for your situation is the way to go. There is no straight answer..not one size fits all when it comes to Adult Day Care. I hope this helps you.

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Does Food Taste Good To Dementia Patients?

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Alzheimer patients often have different preferences for foods that they might of had before the disease came on. Their tastes can change slowly or abruptly as the disease progresses, but either way, it is disturbing to the caretaker. That is the case with my mother and it put me into a tailspin, worrying that she wasn’t getting the proper nutrition.

Now when you think about it, that’s a crazy thought because they are still adults, right? They really are not 5 year old children who haven’t tasted certain foods. They’ve had a lifetime of eating and tasting creating their preferences for certain foods and a dislike for others. It’s their right not to eat what they don’t have a taste for…they don’t like it…it doesn’t taste good to them. We are all different…right? Food should taste good, right?

cookie monsterWell, it turns out that Alzheimer patients taste buds change as they progress into the disease. What they liked yesterday is not necessarily what they will like today or tomorrow or the next day…their tastes change. With that, it stresses out the caregiver because we are there to do the right thing for our parents. After all, we are THEIR parents now and they must listen to us because we know better…. Heck, we love to eat broccoli and spaghetti with sauce with parmesan cheese on top and my Mom used to like it too…so why doesn’t she like it now?  Why is she not eating her cookies anymore, raiding the cookie jar every time I turn my head? I once called her the cookie monster. I also used to give her medication with pudding or yogurt and the other day she spit it out…at me…. with a sour puss on her face. I insisted that it tastes fine…and that she’s been taking her pills like that for a long time with no problem…so why now is she acting so vile? Because their tastes change as they progress into the disease…finally, I got it!

Last week, I found Teepa Snow who teaches and lectures on the behaviors of Alzheimer’s patients. She educates caregivers, while explaining how the Alzheimer’s afflicted person is experiencing their disease. I found her lectures amazingly informative, feeling that any caregiver would benefit from viewing her videos. She has a website and her other videos are also found on: https://www.youtube.com/. The first video that I listened to, I posted on the Boomerang-parent’s Facebook page. Here is the link to Teepa’s video that I first listened to that finally made sense to me: http://www.alzheimersweekly.com/2014/05/sweet-food-bitter-pills-dementia.html

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Teepa says that their taste of sour and bitter becomes stronger than before…therefore they start putting more sugar in coffee, eat more sweets, etc. She gives all sorts of scenarios that all caretakers face with dementia patients. She suggests that crushing their pills in apple sauce is the worst thing you could do because it makes the already bitter pills, more bitter in the apple sauce. She says that jam would be the better choice to get them to take their meds. Also, did you know that putting crushed meds in pudding or yogurt really doesn’t work either…not really…because of the smooth texture. Makes them want to spit it out because they feel the crushed pills in their mouth…which my mother actually did. Why didn’t I think of that…..? There is so much more in this video, including humor…a lot of light-hearted humor…definitely worth the watch.

It all became so clear and understandable…of course….why didn’t I see that before? Probably because I was in the middle of the situation with blinders on. It makes so much sense…and I felt relieved having seen it. Finally something that explains what is happening before my very eyes. I may not like it, but it’s the facts Ma’me. Teepa gives very good suggestions on how to get around the altered taste buds and as glad I am to know that now…I wish that I could have seen her video last summer in 2014 where I could have applied it to my Mother’s symptoms. I could have made her life so much easier if I knew these simple facts, and would have saved myself a heap of worrying. Hopefully, I can help to pass this info on to others.

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Home Health Aides For Dementia Patients Can Be a Wonderful Thing

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Taking care of a parent with Alzheimer’s disease or dementia can be very challenging and also exhausting for the caretaker. I was many years into it before I realized that I needed the help of a Home Health Aide. I was lucky, the first timeout of the gate with Cardine. She was the first Home Health Aide that was send to help with my mother suffering with dementia. She became my hero very quickly.

When first taking on a parent with dementia, we go through so many different feelings and experiences, that often leaves our heads spinning and feeling frustrated all at the same time. Many of us don’t have a healthcare background or any resources at our fingertips to help us cope and make sense of the situation that unfolds before our eyes on a daily basis. Really, we are flying blindly into the path of the oncoming train, sometimes, not understanding what’s ahead.

When I first took on my mother, after moving into my house from her California apartment, I noticed a few little things, but like we all do, it’s brushed off as “oh, she’s just getting older”. After awhile the symptoms get worse and we know that something is very wrong. After we seek a diagnosis, we start our journey into the unknown with our loved one. Life for your parent will never be the same and for you also. It’s almost like when you become a first time parent, changing your life forever, only this time it’s with an unhappy prognosis.

For years I took care of Mom and we went through all of the different stages that most dementia patients and caretakers go through, paranoia, accusations, hiding their belongings, aggressiveness, depression, sadness, incontinence, denial, lack of interest in daily hygiene, preoccupation in trying to make sense of paperwork, confusion, wandering, getting lost, looking for her mother, loss of words and substitution of words, etc. There were so many more things that I went through with her, and since we are all living individual experiences, I’m sure others have gone through even different things that I know nothing of. My situation with Mom, finally came to a point where I could no longer leave her alone while I was at work because she was a safety hazard to herself and others. That’s when I started researching and got the social workers involved, finally getting on the right track in finding a Home Health Aide for Mom.

mom-cardineIt was a long road to learning what to do in order to get help at home, but through Mom’s doctor, who had earlier applied for the Visiting Nurse Service to come to give her B12 shots every month, I was introduced to the social workers of that organization. Since her condition was becoming a safety issue, we discussed our options through meetings and house calls. Of course, I couldn’t afford to go out and hire a Home Health Aide on my salary, so I was naturally feeling very stressed on how to bring help in. Working was something that I must do in order to survive, it’s not debatable as with so many caretakers in the same situation these days. It’s a huge dilemma for all involved.

Needless to say, we found a way and soon thereafter, Cardine arrived. She was the best thing that had every happened to us since Mom came to live with me. We were so lucky to have her as she was experienced, compassionate, concerned and very good at her job. She was mentally present at all times, always putting my Mother’s best interest first. I was very relieved that we were so fortunate to have found her.

Cardine had 12 hour shifts, 5 days a week making it possible to commute to my job and keep the roof over our heads. She would take care of every need that my Mother had, personal hygiene, meals, bathing, companionship, arts and crafts, interaction and keeping her mind engaged and active. She was a one woman band and a rock star in her profession. While I was at work, I was absolutely sure that my demented Mom was in good hands and also safe at home. She wasn’t lonely, and she was content and well taken care of. What more could I ask for?

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Photos: (1) Cardine on Mom’s 86th birthday, (2) Cardine drying Mom’s hair after a shampoo, (3) Cardine and Mom, Eleanor Van Meter doing puzzles together.

Home Health Aides are a wonderful choice for your loved one.

Bottom line for me, Home Health Aides are a wonderful choice for your loved one. If you can find the right fit through an agency, it will change your world and that of your parent.

 They will make the quality of life for the patient and the caretaker better, giving more time to enjoy with your loved one. If you find yourself in this situation, reach out to a social worker through agencies in your area. Reach out to the Alzheimer’s Association who can advise you further. Call the physician caring for your parent, who can open many doors. Although it may be different for others, In my experience, if you don’t ask them, they won’t offer any open channels for help in the home. You must present your needs and concerns to make it known that it is a safety issue. They will then advise what avenues and options are open to you. There are ways to provide a loved one with a Home Health Aide if you are financially unable.

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How To Speak To A Person With Dementia

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Taking care of a loved one when they are suffering from Alzheimer’s disease or dementia is a very challenging task as we all know. It’s probably one of the hardest things that you will ever have to do in your lifetime, but it is also a monumental accomplishment.

In the beginning, you will notice small things like forgetfulness and little things that might seem like unusual behavior, but even then, you might brush it off as a result of stress or being over scheduled. When the episodes become more frequent and you find yourself standing there scratching your head, because you know that there is something very real happening to them. Instinctively, you know, that life will never be the same for you or them.

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(Photos) (1) Eleanor Van Meter with her grandmother. So young and pretty! (2) Eleanor, Mom, with my father, Edward Brophy on a boat, somewhere, appearing to be enjoying themselves…with her whole life ahead of her. Who knew what the future would bring?

The behaviors, of course can vary with each individual, but many of the behaviors, I have found strangely enough, to be identical to other patients suffering from this disease, leading me to believe that the same part of the brain is effected in all patients at this stage of the disease. As in the case with my mother, Eleanor Van Meter, as she started into her journey with dementia, I found that she would be very paranoid. She would always be hiding things and then forgetting where she hid them. When she couldn’t recall where she hid them, she would make a beeline straight for me, accusing me of everything under the sun. I’d be sitting at the computer in my kitchen, where I normally would be on a Sunday afternoon, and she would shuffle in with a puss on her face a mile long and fury in her eyes, heading straight over to me. “Where are my credit cards, where are my medical cards? You took them, I know that you did…you were always a rotten kid, I should have never had you, you little shit.” The first time that happened, I was completely taken off guard, immediately I felt hurt because of her words and then I became defensive while declaring loudly that I never touched her things…I wouldn’t do that. In the beginning, I didn’t know how to handle this, knowing that I didn’t steal anything, but at the same time not knowing how to speak with her about it so as to not fuel the fire making it worse. Actually, in the beginning, you are so taken off guard, you are not thinking of anything except defending yourself and your honor against their harsh words. That train of thought would soon would change…

Through the school of hard knocks, I learned first hand, that arguing with someone who has dementia is an argument that you will never win. Never, never, never, ever try to argue with your loved one with dementia. You will NEVER win…EVER! They have a way of going around and around and in the end, you will be so frustrated that you will want to cry or explode, whichever comes first. So, how do we speak with our demented parents in that situation? I came to learn, first and foremost, be calm, speak softly, slowly and with compassion about them having lost their things. There is nothing that you can say that will make them believe that they hid it somewhere, forgetting where they put it. They can’t remember that little fact. They only remember where the object always resided before. Their brains are not working correctly anymore and certainly not in the way yours works. They honestly believe that you stole their things….because they certainly wouldn’t have moved anything themselves.

It’s important to sympathize with their loss and that the missing object will probably turn up, and how sorry you are that they can’t find it. Chances are, they won’t believe a word you are saying, but at least in the end, you know that you spoke with them in a loving way and that you tried not to upset them any more than they already are. Validating their feelings and their loss will only help the situation and you stand a better chance of calming them down and snapping them out of the dementia attack.

You might want to try and change the conversation to something else, such as I used to do with my mother. In hard times such as this, I would ask her if she would like to listen to Pavarotti, her favorite singer. She would always agree and we’d go back into her room and I’d pop the cd into the player, she would sit there listening as if she was in a trance, forgetting about her earlier concerns. This was usually the best part of her day and I was happy to see the peaceful look on her face once again as she appeared to almost be floating on every note that Pavarotti was singing. That was heaven on earth to her.

Funny thing, most times when my mother snapped out of a dementia attack, after accusing me of stealing things, later, she would always come to me and apologize. 

I would ask her, you remember acting that way? She would say yes…I can’t seem to stop once it starts. I always found that amazing…it was living proof to me that she was very aware that there was something very wrong with her.

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How to Diagnose Dementia or Alzheimer’s Disease?

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Diagnosing dementia or Alzheimer’s disease isn’t an easy task. Finding the right doctors who ask the right questions and order up the right tests and scans can take time and effort on your part, but it is important that we take the steps to assure the diagnosis is made.

The signs of dementia and Alzheimer’s disease may come on very slowly and when you see someone all the time, you are less likely to notice it right away. You may notice forgetfulness and think to yourself, well, we all forget once in awhile. But then it becomes more noticeable in that your loved one is forgetting more often and it’s then you know for sure that something is going on.

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With my mother, Eleanor Van Meter, it happened slowly in the beginning also. She lived in California and I lived in New York, so we were forced to speak by phone on Sundays to catch up and check in. I had noticed that she was forgetting a little here and there, but so do I, it’s normal. I really didn’t give it much thought other than, Oh, she’s just getting older and slower now, nothing to worry about. Then on that fateful day in August of 2008, while at work, I get a phone call at 12 noon from her apartment manager…Mom had fallen and broken her hip. The ambulance had come to take her to the hospital.

Photos: above (1) Google image, (2) drawing by Lucia Whittaker, via flickr, right, Mom in doctor’s office waiting for a routine visit 

After a hip replacement and physical therapy, it was decided between us, that she would come live with me. I went out to California to clean out her apartment, then picked her up from a respite stay and we flew back to NY. I converted my home office to a bedroom and that was to become her room for 6 and a half years. It went well at first but then little by little the strange behavior began, more incidents of forgetfulness, accusations and paranoia. Then all of a sudden, she would snap out of it, which is the confusing part. Later, she would sometimes apologize for the way she acted…she realized her behavior was bad, but couldn’t stop herself. I began to think that maybe she was so used to living on her own for so many years, that she was behaving this way because she just wasn’t used to having people around all the time.

Of course after awhile, I began to think that I needed to speak with her general, geriatric physician on the next routine appointment, which I did. He gave her a 5 minute memory test and proceeded to dismiss me, saying she was fine, no dementia. I tried to explain that I live with her and I see and feel that something is wrong. He disagreed. We went home and the behavior continued.

After another 6 months of this behavior, I knew that I must research and find out more on what I should do to address what is happening before my very eyes. I found that a Neurologist or Geriatric Psychiatrist was a doctor who was qualified in diagnosing dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. I found a Geriatric Psychiatrist located about 20 minutes from my home that came highly recommended. I made an appointment and filled out extensive paperwork, he examined her with many follow up appointments thereafter as the progression of the disease went on. Diagnosis was an ongoing process and observation. He worked with me on every level and concern in order to handle the disease and the quality of life for all involved.

As the disease progressed, of course there were adjustments that were needed to be made with her medications to suppress the aggressive behaviors, and there were many, believe me. It was not always easy, but he would always help the situation at hand, making it a better home life for all of us without over medicating her. Every drug regiment is different for each person and the doctor must find the right combination for the situation. In my mother’s case, Ambilify in combination with other prescribed drugs was the magic brew that made her from the wicked witch of the west to a fairy godmother once again! She was then reverted back into the sweet little person she had always been before this dreaded disease put it’s evil grip on her. For another person it might be a different drug…it’s individual.

The bottom line is, if you suspect your loved one has dementia or Alzheimer’s disease, research the specialized doctors in your area, try to find a social worker who can help or recommend a doctor, which, in my humble opinion, is the best way to find a good doctor. You can be sure if someone else has had a great experience with a given doctor, you probably will also. Don’t wait until the situation becomes unbearable causing resentful feelings between you and the person effected. Your mother, your father, aunt or uncle or wife, they deserve the best care you can give them. They are at the end of their life and as in the case of my mother, she knew exactly that this was happening to her, maybe not understanding what it was, but she was aware. Just try to imagine how that must feel. 

Looking back, it’s the saddest thing ever to watch as they decline into the void, and knowing that they are aware.

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Alzheimer’s Disease, Dementia and Mental Decline

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Alzheimer’s disease and dementia has effected more and more people over the years. Babyboomers are all coming to age and have been faced with taking care of their elderly and aging parents, either coming to live with them or caring for them in the parental home. Either way, it is not easy, mentally, emotionally or physically. It’s hard to see the very parent who was once your tower of strength, come to a point where they are declining so much that you are becoming their parent and they your child. Most of the time we are doing this while trying to manage our own families, kids plus working full time. It’s becoming a desperate time for our generation and shows no signs of slowing down any time soon.

Photos Above:  (1) Mom’s handwriting in 1985, (2) Mom’s handwriting at work, shorthand, (3) Mom’s handwriting 2014 weeks before her death, (4) below, Mom at an office party with Maury Amsterdam at what was most likely Bozell & Jacobs in NYC in the 50’s or 60’s.

My mother, Eleanor Van Meter was a very intelligent woman. She aspired her whole young life to be a career woman, and that she was. She worked in NYC at prestigious companies as an executive assistant, usually with the head of the company that she worked for. She had many responsibilities and took it very seriously. So, with that said, it was so hard for me to see her decline to the degree that she did while living with me. I looked at her as my superior, both mentally and in pecking order as a parent. And then, without a moments notice, I was her parent. How are we expected to cope with that?

I watched her slow decline over the span of about 6 and a half years after a fall in a supermarket, breaking her hip. A once brilliant woman, was now arguing with me on a daily basis, accusing me of all sort of crazy and insane things and at first, I would be hurt by her words, but then after educating myself, I understood what I was dealing with. Her father also had dementia, but being a young person at that time, I don’t remember this side of the disease with him. I do remember him sliding into the void, not knowing us, just staring into space with void eyes while confined to a wheelchair. I realized that this was the direction that my mother was heading in.

My mom was a born office worker. When living with me, a good day for her would be to sit in her room going through all sorts of paperwork, which could keep her busy for hours upon hours. She was no longer able to take care of her monthly affairs, so I had to take over for her. She would sit with her boxes of papers for long periods of time sorting and filing and trying to make head or tails of them. I knew that she didn’t understand what she was looking at, but was trying desperately to figure things out. After all, it’s what she had done almost her whole adult life and now she would sit baffled by what she was looking at, yet at the same time knowing in her heart that she used to know.

She loved the English language and would pride herself on her poetry and the use of the words in her writing. She also wrote letters, diaries and journals for years. Her best friend Noreen, who has known her since the early days in NYC, has told me of how wonderful mom was in her professional life. She also told me how her letters were so brilliantly and carefully written, that she could have been a professional writer. She was that good with the English language. The images above are some of the things that I found in her papers which demonstrates the obvious decline in her handwriting. The first one, just an excerpt from one of her journals, was a nostalgic look back from when she was a child. It was a happy time and written in her usual handwriting that I remember so well. The second is her professional handwriting, shorthand, taught in school and used throughout her adult life in both professional and personal times. I don’t know much about shorthand but I felt as if it was a different language, and as individual as she was. She would use it right up until the time her mind started declining. The third image is something she wrote a few weeks before her death. It’s hard to look at and certainly hard to understand how the mind could decline so drastically so as not to be able to remember the very thing that fueled her existence in better years. I can see on the second line that she was trying to write her name, ELEANOR. She started out with all caps and just couldn’t resolve it in the end, leading her to just scribble. How frustrating it must have been for her. I would ask her on several occasions when she couldn’t get the words right, “you know exactly what you want to say, don’t you…but you just can’t find the words, right”. She would always say yes, and I saw the pain in her eyes. Dementia wasn’t who she was, it was what she suffered from. Who she was, was an intelligent, highly organized and professional person with a very kind soul.

The very saddest thing, is that they know it’s happening to them…they know what they were once able to do, but no longer can do. They don’t understand why, but they absolutely know it’s happening to them. This is a very cruel disease. 

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